26/03/2011
I received a phone call telling me that this time round despite waiting for so long, I still won't be able to get a helper.
My mind keeps thinking what is going to happen when Yo is born. Who will help me? Am I going to always see people so insincere, black face and unhappy staying with me?
I find it so difficult even to pleased someone I loved. It is seems never success no matter how small..I just feel just so hopeless. She just refused to be happy when she is here.
I told my other half about this, and also my worry about the helper. I keep asking him to pay attention to me. It doesn't worked too. So what should I do?? I just cried and cried till morning. alone. Nobody knows, but at least Xavier is so lovely. I hugged him tight on my bed. Sorry Xavier for the disrupted evening sleep. Mommy loves you
27/03/2011
Today she called me again. As usual she accused I am not paying attention to my sibling.
I am so speechless.
